My Book Introduction

I'm a really good writer. In fact I'm a natural. I'm actually good at a lot of things but this is not the time, nor the place to discuss all of my talents. Such an endeavor would take way too much space and since this is a book of short stories I intend to keep the introduction brief as well.

Being so smart and creative has not always been easy. In fact, it has often worked against me. Sometimes I find myself wishing there was something that I wasn't so good at. Sometimes I feel like the only thing I'm not good at is being not good at stuff. It's kind of weird. In grade school I was so misunderstood that my teachers often failed me. I suppose they felt threatened to have such a smart student on their hands. Like most literary geniuses and great artists I had a difficult time making friends because I was so far above all of my peers. Social situations became difficult because all the girls had crushes on me but all the boys had understandably grown jealous of my gift. I didn't bother getting a high school diploma because I had much bigger and better things to focus on. Becoming the greatest literary mind of the 21^st century was just one of my many aspirations which I will not bother elaborating on at this time for fear of sounding boastful or arrogant, but as I think I mentioned before I'm pretty much really, really good at everything.

To the overambitious reader, please don't bother criticizing or critiquing this text. To search for imperfections will be a waste of time. If you happen to stumble upon any mistakes in the form of punctuation or gramatical errs you can rest assured that they were put there intentionally to spice up the story. If at any time it seems anything to be wrong worded or seem to doesn't make sense it's clearly just way over your head. Please, don't be hard on yourself. Everyone has their weak points. I just happened to have been born without any.

Also, for the sake of the reader I will do my best to refrain from using too many long ostentatious, excuse me "fancy" words. I can assure you that I have dedicated a great deal of time making sure that the following stories and essays have been written in laymen's terms so that (you) the reader will be able to follow. Like many writers I am often forced to use a thesaurus during the editing process. My use of a thesaurus however greatly differs from that of the common folk in that unlike most writers I use it as a tool to find easier, more commonplace words to replace my highly advanced arsenal of bad-ass words. Also, for the reader's convenience, I had my chief editor read over and revise much of the following text in an attempt to tone down my naturally sophisticated grammar and intellect. The result; a timeless and epic collection of literary composition far exceeding the creativity and intellect of any author to date. You can rest assured that what you are currently reading and what you are about to read is grade A literature at its finest and you will be a much better person having read it.